Dear cousin, How I end up hurting my cousin every time I try to advise her

Dear cousin,

I wish that every time we conversed I was able to write down what I am saying. I wish that I could show my worries less and show my understanding more.

Dear cousin,

I don’t want you to study, nor do I want you to find a job, I am not asking you to make a choice. I’ve been through the phase where everyone is asking you what you want to do, what you want to become, what you want to study. I want you to be happy, I want you to make decisions for yourself, I’d like for you to do what you want.

Dear cousin,

You know me well, beneath the laid back person others may see, behind what I do and what I share, there are thoughts. Thoughts of following one’s dreams, thoughts and opinions in a world with a society that doesn’t always appreciate what you do for it. Beneath what others may see, you see the me, you talk to your cousin who understands you, he’s been there, he is there.. I am there.

Dear cousin,

If the advice ever turns into cold criticism it is because of a cynicism that comes out of me, cynic thoughts I have adopted by the people around me. What I mean when I say, you should work for it, you should put more effort into it, you should find something you like, don’t spend time playing cards, don’t do this or that – what I am really trying to say is that I worry, I worry a lot about you and your future like I worry about mine.

Dear cousin,

Sometimes I let my worries overcome my hopes for you. Sometimes I let it win over how much I believe in you. I forget how I also believe that there is not only one road to happiness, success or anything you may be after. I tell this to myself, because I am accountable for myself, but I can’t gamble with your life.

I am sorry if my words ever hurt you cousin.

Image by darcyadelaide

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